


Afterlife

by skyclectic



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-19
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2019-02-04 08:00:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12766599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyclectic/pseuds/skyclectic
Summary: Changmin breathes in the scent of Jaejoong’s hair and thinks about lying, of how easy it would be to pretend they are still singing the same song, to pretend as if nothing had ever changed.Jaejoong spreads his fingers right over Changmin’s heart and he swallows, feeling the words heavy on his tongue.“I missed you.”





	Afterlife

**Author's Note:**

> Written and posted on helloparoxysm@livejournal on 9th August 2010.

Changmin flicks the hoodie up over his head and pulls at the mask so that it hides his face more securely. He spares a glance at the clock flashing red numbers on his bedside table. 

 _2.37am._  

Changmin sighs. He might still be recognised even at such an early hour and a mask hiding half of his face.   
  
“It’s late.”

Changmin turns to find Yunho leaning against the doorframe, staring at him with tired, bottomless eyes.  
  
Changmin doesn’t bother to reply and turns to pick up his car keys, tucking them into his pocket. Yunho takes a step back to let him pass and then reaches out a hand to curl warm fingers around his wrist.

When Changmin looks up at him, Yunho lets a sigh escape from his chapped lips. “I’m sorry.”  
  
_Sorry for what?_  Changmin thinks.  _Sorry for holding me back? Sorry for everything? Sorry that it had to turn out like this and we could do nothing except stand by and watch?_    
  
Changmin takes a deep breath, feeling bitterness thick on the roof of his mouth.

He pries Yunho’s fingers off his wrist, one by one like a flower slowly blooming.

“You’re not the only one,” he says, watching as Yunho turns away, the words lying broken at his feet.

 

 

On the short drive over, Changmin thinks of street cafes in Paris, of crashing waves at Bora Bora, of thousands of fans screaming their names and the sea of red light sticks at the Tokyo Dome.

He has to bite down hard on his lip to stop the tears from running down his face.

 

 

His heart is hammering a rapid staccato against his ribcage when he pulls to a stop in the parking lot. Changmin runs up 14 flights of stairs before he reaches the door of the apartment, letting the sweat sting his eyes.

Yoochun opens the door when he knocks, tousle haired and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. He blinks when he sees Changmin and opens his mouth as if to ask why the hell Changmin is knocking on their door at three in the morning.

Changmin pleads silently with his eyes and Yoochun closes his mouth, swallowing the words instead. He opens the door wider and takes a step back so that Changmin can slip past him into the foyer.   
  
“Thank you,” Changmin murmurs quietly after taking off his shoes and placing them neatly beside the doormat.

Yoochun shakes his head and points him down the hallway. He squeezes Changmin’s elbow once and Changmin exhales, squeezing back. He is amazed that even after everything, they can exchange so many words in complete silence, all of which they are too afraid to say out loud.

Yoochun offers him a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes before turning away and heading back to his room.

 

 

It is dark when Changmin pushes the door open with a creak, but he can still make out the curve of Jaejoong’s back from the moonlight spilling into the room in ribbons.

Changmin inches closer to the bed until he can distinguish the elaborate tattoo inked into the expanse of skin between Jaejoong’s shoulders, until he can see the gentle rise and fall of Jaejoong’s chest as he breathes.   
  
Changmin holds his breath as the other man stirs, rolling over and stretching with a yawn. His eyes drift open and widen in shock when he sees a tall, dark figure poised over his bed. The shock disappears when he recognizes the slope of Changmin’s cheekbones framed in the moonlight.  
  
Jaejoong laughs, his voice rough from sleep, and reaches out a hand. He wraps his fingers around Changmin’s wrist and pulls so that Changmin tumbles gently onto the bed. Jaejoong shifts and Changmin gravitates towards him, their bodies meeting at awkward angles.   
  
Jaejoong nudges Changmin’s ankle with his toe.

“Long time no see,” he mumbles into Changmin’s collarbone.  
  
“Hi,” Changmin murmurs back, curling a hand around Jaejoong’s neck. “Morning.”  
  
Jaejoong hums, pulling at the mask on Changmin’s face before flinging it onto the floor. “Morning, yourself.”

He uses the edge of the blanket to wipe the grit off Changmin’s face. Changmin closes his eyes as Jaejoong’s fingers linger on his face, tracing the outline of his cheek.  
  
They stay like that for a while – Changmin playing with the tips of Jaejoong’s hair, listening to the steady beat of their hearts. He thinks about how this is all they have left from the forever they once whispered into each other’s skins.  
  
“To what do I owe the pleasure of this early morning visit?” Jaejoong asks lightly, voice carefully controlled as his fingers inch beneath Changmin’s shirt.   
  
Changmin breathes in the scent of Jaejoong’s hair and thinks about lying, of how easy it would be to pretend they are still singing the same song, to pretend as if nothing had ever changed.

Jaejoong spreads his fingers right over Changmin’s heart and he swallows, feeling the words heavy on his tongue.

“I missed you.”  
  
He feels Jaejoong stiffen slightly before taking in a deep, shuddering breath. “How long?”   
  
“About two hours. Give or take.”   
  
Jaejoong lifts his head to look at Changmin and even in the dark; Changmin can see that his eyes are too bright. “I guess that’s long enough, right? Better than nothing. “

Jaejoong smiles at him, broken and tattered at the corners, and Changmin feels like crying for putting them through this, for selfishly not wanting to let go.  
  
Changmin pulls him closer and when they kiss, he pretends he cannot taste Jaejoong’s tears salty against the roof of his mouth.

Jaejoong doesn’t pull away when Changmin runs tentative fingers along the knobs of his spine, when Changmin grips his hips hard enough to bruise. Jaejoong only kisses back harder, his teeth clashing painfully against Changmin’s own. He clings to Changmin, burying his face into the crook of Changmin’s neck and wraps his legs around Changmin’s waist, desperately holding on, his eyes wide open as Changmin moves over him, like as though he is afraid Changmin will disappear in the space it takes for him to blink. 

 

 

 

After, Changmin stares at the flickering shadows on the ceiling, his heart still beating rapidly against his ribs. His fingers brush slightly against Jaejoong’s arm and Changmin lets his eyes drift close. He lets his mind wander to another life, a life where everything is whole and unbroken and not splintering into pieces under his feet.   
  
“Changmin,” Jaejoong’s voice is heavy with unshed tears and it makes Changmin’s heart clench painfully in his chest. “I’m so sorry.”  
  
Changmin turns away. He disentangles himself from the sheets and reaches for his clothes, pulling them on. He zips up his hoodie and looks at Jaejoong slumped on the edge of the bed, his face half framed in moonlight. 

 _God, you are so beautiful_ , he thinks, spreading a hand against Jaejoong’s cheek, thumb curving along the line of his jaw.   
  
“Don’t be,” he whispers, letting the words fall against Jaejoong’s temple.

Jaejoong angles his head slightly so that his lips rest in the cradle of Changmin’s palm and doesn’t stop him when he leaves.

 

 

 

The sun is already starting to peek out from beneath the horizon when Changmin finally starts making his way back. He takes a deep, shuddering breath and lets his lungs expand to their fullest before reaching over and switching on the radio.   
  
The familiar opening bars of one of their songs makes the dull ache in his chest sharper and he grips the steering wheel hard enough for his knuckles to turn white.

When Jaejoong starts to sing, Changmin slams on the brakes, screeching to a stop at the side of the road. He feels the tears stinging the corners of his eyes and he blinks, letting them fall and pool on the denim of his jeans.   


 

 

 _I close my eyes for a moment, I still love you so._  
 _I should give up, but I cannot let you go._  
\- Don’t Cry My Lover, DBSK

 


End file.
